A burden
by frappyrouge123
Summary: Ace is tired, tired of everything. He just wants to release himself, and he found the perfect way to do that. will the crew come in the right time, or will it be too late?
1. The Only Way

**Aaand i'm back! school was getting on my nerves lately, and now that it is finally spring break (with us) i have more time to write!**

**I have to warn you that this story will be sad, there will be a lot of angst!. I really want to try and write a sad story to see how i will do! i'm probably not good at these types of stories. But I really hope you will enjoy! ;)**

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He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. but he had to, he was just a burden. A burden to his family. to his brothers.

A burden to oyaji.

He walked down the dark hallway, to his room. No matter how many times the crew convinced him he was part of them, that he was part of this family, he didn't believe them. Because he knew, oh he knew that the second the crew knew about his lineage, he would get thrown to the ocean. Oyaji not giving him a second thought, as he watches him drown. Hell, the whole crew wont. So he acted energetic and happy, and he loved acting that way, but he couldn't lie to his family for long.

Was it too much to ask to just have a normal life? a life without burdens? a life where you don't have to worry about your family hating you? a life where the air doesn't seems to suffocate you? Apparently it was too much. So he decided to release himself. In his own twisted way.

He reached his room and opened the door. On his bed was a black box. He had considered doing this for a long time. But now that the time has come, he regretted even thinking about this solution. But it was too late, he already made up his mind. And no one could stop him now.

Opening the box, he saw it. The tip shining like it had just been sharpened, which was a good thing, and means it will do its job quickly and swiftly. But also mercilessly.

Ace picked up the knife and examined it. He was tired of acting, tired of acting happy when he really wasn't. He had tried to tell pops about it. But just the thought of pops and his brothers hating him makes him want to die. Which is exactly what he was doing. His lineage wasn't the only reason he wanted to do this. It was also because he was scared, so scared. Scared that he might fail his family and pops.

He took a deep breath and lifted the knife to his wrist, slashing as hard as he could. Blood trickled all over his hand, he held back a wince. He was panting hard. Sweat forming on his forehead, sliding down his face. A pool of red substance was forming around him and he found it hard to breathe. He brought up his knife again and cut through his skin next to the other cut he just made.

He repeated this process over, till black dots started hinting his vision, pulling endlessly at his consciousness, and he slumped down on the wooden floor. The floorboards offering scratches all over his body.

He didn't deserve them, he didn't deserve their love, he didnt deserve their care. he didn't deserve anything. He didn't he didn't he didn't. No scum like him deserves these things. He only deserves to die.

Soon, all around him was blood. So much blood. Yet he only smiled, closed his eyes as tears raced across his face. Dripping from his chin to mix with the red substance that oozed from his wrist. Thankfully no one had heard his fall and his heavy panting, or they will be in for a not so pretty sight.

A bitter laugh escaped his mouth. Why did he laugh? was it because he was bleeding to death that he had finally lost his mind? or was it from happiness that he will finally leave this world that he has come to hate? He remembered a memory with his gramps once when he was seven, remembered his words echoing through his head...

* * *

"_H__ey old man," said the raven haired boy, sitting crossed legged on a cliff, the wind blowing his hair over his young features._

_"huh?" garp gruffly replied._

_"was it... good that I was born?"_

_Garp looked towards the sea,"that's something... you'll find out as you live."_

* * *

_No, _he thought, _it wasn't good that I was born. _And now that he has lived and figured it out, he had to leave this world.

He could feel his heartbeat, so strong he thought it might jump out of his ribcage. But no, it can't be strong. He wanted it to slow down and just stop. He was tired of all this. He just wanted it to end. He rolled over, so know he was on his back. The black dots seem to grow more, and he suddenly started coughing, until he felt warm liquid travel down his mouth. Blood. He hoped no one heard him. But even if they did, it will still be too late to save him. Atleast, thats what Ace though.

He remembered luffy. How will his younger brother react? will he ever know? he hoped luffy never knows, but he knew that he will, eventually, when he sets sail. Which is still two years away.

What about his other brothers on this ship? will they even shed a tear? Ace didn't think so. Why would they? he was just a burden after all. He's probably doing them a favor.

He smiled tiredly, he will be gone soon. Away from all this. He didn't want to, but at the same time he did. He wants to die, because he's a burden. But he wants to live, for his brother luffy. And for whoever cares about him on this ship.

He thought he heard faint calls and heavy footsteps, but he was too far gone. The black dots in his vision combining together and forming a black wall. He could only hear faint voices, but couldn't feel anything. No pain, no blood, no knife. He couldn't feel anything.

"I-I-m s-sorry.." left his lips tiredly. He didn't know why he said that, he just felt he had to say it. Soon he couldn't hear anything too, like he was floating in black space.

And then nothingness.

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**Soo... how was it? i feel like this needs a second chapter. dont you think so? please tell me!**

**This is my first time writing this type of story, but i gotta say, i'm pretty impressed with myself.**

**please review and tell me how i did and what i can improve at, and i'll see ya later, alligators~**

**;) **


	2. Questions everywhere

**I'm back! a lot of you guys encouraged me on doing a second chapter, so I decided to finally do it! So I really hope you enjoy! although I gotta say, i'm not really sure where i'm going with this story, i'm kinda just going with the flow~~**

**AND LETS SET SAIL, SAILORS!**

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Footsteps sounded through the corridor as the blonde made his way to the kitchen. His eyebrow twitched in annoyance. It didn't matter that is was almost midnight, he almost always found the chef there. His eyebrow twitched in annoyance. _You are so dead thatch. _That bastard has apparently put _eggs, _of all things, in his bed, wanting him to freak out once he woke up. The idiot should know by now that his stupid pranks don't work on him anymore.

He turned a corner and was nearing the kitchen when he suddenly heard a sound. He stopped and looked around if anyone was there, but no one was. Just when the blonde was about to dismiss it as his imagination, he heard the same sound, but this time much louder. Like something fell. curiosity getting the better of him, he started heading toward that sound. Stopping in front of a room, he realised that it was ace's. But why would he be up at this late hour?

Marco started to knock. When no one answered, he slowly gripped the handle and pushed forward, the door giving off a creaking sound as it was opened. The sight that met his eyes made him freeze almost instantly. He heard him mutter the words 'I'm sorry'.

"A-ace?" Marco stuttered, his eyes heart broke when he heard the words 'im sorry' muttered from the kids mouth. "ACE!" He quickly sprinted to his fallen brother, falling to his knees next to him. "Ace! you hear me!? ACE!", no response.

No, this couldn't be happening. A shaking hand moved to a pale, freckled cheek. He was freezing cold. Horrified, marco looked around the teen. Blood was all around the kid. His wrist caught his eyes. They... they were cut... why? Thinking fast, although still panicking, he removed his sach from his waist and tied it tightly to the teens wrist, wanting to stop the bleeding as fast as possible. His hands were still shaking from the shock, but he managed to finally slide his hands under the injured teens knees and back and quickly lifted him up from the wooden floor.

Sprinting out of the room, he reached the head nurses door and brought one hand from under the teens form to bang as loud as he could. She couldn't be awake at this time, so he had to be loud and quick. They were losing time. The door finally opened and marco was about to trip in the room had the nurse not caught him.

"What's all the fuss about-" she suddenly gasped, a horrified look taking over her usually calm features " C-commander, what happened!? ACE? SHIT, bring him to the infirmary NOW! I'll call the nurses." She quickly went in and started shouting for the nurses to wake up.

Marco wasted no time and ran as fast as he could to the infirmary. Once he reached there, he threw the door open and almost threw ace to the nearest bed. He was panting something fierce. He took a shaking step back. Almost instantly the nurses burst in the room along with other crew members who heard her calls. Thatch was there. He didn't know how he was going to explain this to anyone. He himself still was panicked and shocked and confused all at the same time. What happened to ace?! who would do this to him?! he was going to kill whoever was responsible for this.

He was quickly kicked out of the infirmary, and was soon met with a whole crowd of brothers asking him what the hell happened and if Ace will be okay.

"MARCO!" Thach looked pale "Tell us what happened, what happened to our brother!?" The chef's features were turning angry. " Listen," the blonde was trying to let his alarmed brothers understand that he didn't know what has happened to their brother "I am as confused and alarmed as all of you! don't you get it? I found him bleeding in his room, that's all I know! now move out of the way, I need to tell oyaji what's going on," He started to walk away when the crowd fell silent. Finally they understood. Suddenly he stopped. "Thatch," The chef darted his panicking eyes to stare at the blonde in worry, he was still shocked, " If Ace wakes up while i'm telling oyaji, come tell me immediately," and with that, he left the gathering crowd.

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_Grey eyes looked around him, but only managed to see darkness. What was going on? Where was he? A figure suddenly appeared in front of him. There was light coming from all around the figure's body, so he could see that the figure was a woman. She was wearing a long yellow dress that reached to her feet. Her long strawberry-blonde hair reached up to her waist. But what surprised him the most were the freckles that were dotted across her cheek and nose._

_She wore a warm smile across her face and tears were gathering in her chocolate brown eyes. but why was she crying? "A-ace..." Said person stilled. How did she know his name? who was this woman? "look at you...all grown up," she smiled even bigger now, tears trailing down her cheeks. _

_"W-what?" Ace didn't believe this, was she his...?_

_She started to move towards him, ace still speechless. When she reached, she __brought up a shaking hand and touched his face with her pale, but surprisingly warm hands. "I'm so proud of you...my baby," a light blush colored the teens cheeks, why did she say that..? "me and your dad are so proud of what you have done so far," she smiled again, and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Ace froze, realization hit him like wooden bricks. She was his mom! he widened his eyes and asked her the question, dreading the answer._

_"M-mom...?" tears welled in his eyes "mom... MOM!" He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed as hard as he could. They both fell to their knees._

_"Don't cry Ace..." she buried her face in the shoulder of her already sobbing son "Mom is here."_

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**There! Why do I feel like the ending is too cheesy? anyways, please review and tell me what you thought about the story so far! I will continue this story but I don't think I will be updating soon. **

**I'll see you later~**


	3. The Promise

**Omg, has it been like… 5 months and I still haven't updated? Jeez.**

**alright listen, the reason i'm so late is because i think i might have Writers Block. and now i'm trying to break out of it. So I hope this doesn't disappoint you, sorry.**

**AND NOW LETS SET SAIL, SAILORS~**

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Ace was still confused. Is he dead? He was staring at his _mother, _he supposed _dead _mother, so he figured if he was staring at a dead person and they were alive, he guessed that he was, in fact, dead.

He turned to his mother. "Mom?" The word sounded so foreign in his tongue, its like his first time saying it. It probably was.

"Hmm?" his mother hummed, fingers running through her sons dark hair lovingly.

"Am I… dead?" the fingers stopped running through his hair, he heard a sigh. Ace raised his eyebrows and turned to her questioningly.

She started answering his question. "Your not… _dead_, your just in a coma. Ace, what you did was a very bad idea, do you think that killing your self will solve your problems? Do you thin k it will make your family happy?" she turned a serious face to him. " I don't wanna say this but thats a cowards way of doing things, running away from problems instead of facing them like a man."

Ace widened his eyes, He never thought of that…

She continued. "I'll make sure you wake up from this coma eventually, but I need you to promise me two things." Ace looked at her hesitantly, whatever she was about to say, he was sure it will trouble him.

"You have to promise me that when you wake up you will never try this again, and that you will have a long talk with your captain, or any other crew mate, about what you did because i'm sure that they want to know."

"I can't do that! they will throw me out once they know how weak I am, they already think I'm a burden and-"

"Ace." He snapped his head towards his mother, she was angry but she was trying to hold it in. "If you keep telling yourself that, then you will believe it even more. Is that how you see your captain? a heartless cold man?"

"Of course not!" Why was she saying that? Whitebeard was the strongest and loyalest man he has ever seen, he was certainly not a heartless cold man, unless it came to his enemies.

"then he wont kick you out!"

Ace bit his lips, he knew she was right. Whitebeard wasn't going to kick him out because he's a burden, that wasn't the kind of thing a man like whitebeard would do, of course it wasn't.

Rouge took his hands in hers. "Promise me, Ace. Promise me you will do what I told you. Ace, the can _help _you, trust me in this. You are _not _a burden, you are _not_ and will _never _be a burden. Repeat after me Ace. 'I am not a burden'. come on, say it."

"I…" He hesitated, but then he looked in his mothers determined eyes, she was trying to help him too, he wasn't about to disappoint her. "I am not a burden.." He swallowed "I am _not _a burden" he said it more determinedly. "I am NOT a burden." He almost shouted.

His mother smiled encouragingly. "Louder, son. let the world hear it."

He did just that. "I'm not a burden! I'm not a burden! I'm not a burden!" A huge grin, almost too big, split his face. He looked at his mother, a huge smile appearing on her face at the sight of her now happy son.

He suddenly turned to her. "I promise." Her huge smile turned into a gentle one.

Ace took in a huge breath, and Rouge knew this was it. She whispered " I love you, son."

"_I AM NOT A BURDEN!"_

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His eyes snapped open. A cough escaped him, which caught the attention of who was with him. He turned his head towards the people that were rushing to his side.

"Hey, Ace, look at me, can you hear me?" He squinted to get a better look at the person that spoke, his eye sight was still blurred from his long sleep. He made out the nurses white coat and a couple of other nurses looking at him in concern. He was in the infirmary on the Moby Dick, he concluded.

"Abby…?" That was the name of the head nurse, the one who asked him the question. Said person smiled happily. "Good to see your awake Ace, we were so worried about you!"

"Everyone?" He asked. She looked surprised. "Of course everyone! they almost broke the infirmary door asking about you!"

Unexpectedly, a chuckle escaped the teen. He suddenly wanted to see them so badly, his brothers and father. Of course he had already saw his sisters, the nurses. Whitebeard considered anyone who lives on this ship as his son/daughter.

"I can't wait to tell them the good news, they will be so happy to hear it!" Abby said, "I'll be right back!" she then walked out to tell her brothers about the 'good news'.

The other nurses started to do some check up on him. asking him questions and all that stuff.

It didn't take a while before the infirmary door bursts open, Marco, Thatch, Izou accompanied by Abby.

"Ace! Thank goodness your awake! What the hell happened? Did some one attack you?" Izou asked.

"Uh, its… its-" He got cut off by Thatch " Don't worry about that now, just focus on getting better." He flashed Ace a huge grin.

Ace smiled gratefully and nodded his head. He also needed time to sort out his thoughts. He suddenly remembered his mom, was that just a dream and nothing more? He didn't think so. He remembers every single detail of her face, her voice, how warm she was. He remembered his promise to her and how she made him convince himself that he was not a burden. that couldn't have been just a dream.

He suddenly felt his eyelids grow heavy. He almost laughed. Finally, finally his narcolepsy hit him right on time.

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The next time he woke up, he was aware of a presence, a powerful one. He blinked until his eyesight adjusted, then looked to his right.

Sitting in a chair that fir his size was whitebeard, looking at him with a smile. "Son, you're awake."

Ace smiled "Yes, Oyaji." He sighed in content "I am."

"We will talk about what happened later, if you want." Whitebeard spoke. But Ace shook his head. He was ready to tell them. he knew it. "No Oyaji, I can- no, I want to tell you."

Whitebeard nodded. "Go ahead, son." He leaned back on the chair, ready to know what happened to his son.

Ace sighed again, he looked into his fathers face. He had to tell them that he did that to himself, that he had felt like a burden, that he hadn't been feeling happy at all before. He had to do it. He had to.

He had promised his mother, after all.

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**And here you go! I hope you enjoyed it! I actually really had fun writing this chapter so I hope you have fun too.**

**I cant promise you when the next update will be, but i'm sure there are about 2 more chapters left.**

**Anyways, please review and tell me you thoughts in this chapter. Bye!**


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